And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
