And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize