you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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