I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
