so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
