I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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