didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
