I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
