The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
