I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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