Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
