life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
