my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
