I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
If I die, sorry about rent.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
