I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
