dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
