just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Just invented taco cereal.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
