is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
