It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
