Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
