guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
