Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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