Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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