Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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