3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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