I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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