i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
