only you would photoshop your dick
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
