Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
