Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
