I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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