please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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