I wish I could punch you in the face.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
