Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
