I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize