Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
