he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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