i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
