My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
