I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
