My room smells like vodka and shame
is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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