I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
His nipple licking is glorious
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