I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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