You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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