i permit you to call me
Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Randomize