Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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