Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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