in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
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