My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
