On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
