Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize