We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
