Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
