Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
