this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
