I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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