Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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