I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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