Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
