Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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