Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
