You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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