He is an equal opportunity slut.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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