there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
