just tell him i said nine months
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
