Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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