Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
