apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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