I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
