I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Terrible idea I love it
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Randomize
