dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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